off the grid or the deep end?

In these troubling economic times I hear a lot of talk about "tightening the belt". It seems as though the financial experts have all come to the same conclusions about how to fix your personal finances. Apparently skipping that half-caf mocha latte each morning or carpooling to work will halp me save the $650 a week that I need to be putting into my retirement fund to have a substantial enough payout to live my final miserable years in relative comfort. Well, what if your belt is on it's last notch? What if you are so poor that you've had the same damn belt since junior high and your poverty has forced you into eating only McDonald's dollar menu crap that has forced your waistline to inch ever so slightly outward year after year until that belt simply won't wrap around your fat ass anymore? What then Mr. Financial Expert? What the fuck then? Huh?
Well, I think I might have the solution but I have yet to work out the logistics. I suggest homelessness without the appearance of being homeless. Let me explain. There are certain cues that immediately betray that typical homeless person. The shit-stained clothes; the acrid or possibly rancid odor that comes from days and more likely weeks of not bathing; the lack of modern technology such as an MP3 player or a cell phone; and a general unkempt appearance typically denote that the person with whom you are conversing or prabably just pointing and laughing at is homeless. but what if we could reduce or even get rid of these pesky deviations from social norms? If loooks like it has a home, walks like it has a home and quacks like it has a home.... Can't we then draw some logical albeit false conclusions?
The first step it getting rid of what is typically a person's largest expense: His home. Having no home serves a twofold purpose. It would first place hundreds and more likely thousands of dollars back into your pocket monthly. No mortgage, no rent, no water bill, no electric bill, no heating bill, no home phone, no cable TV, no homeowner's insurance, no renter's insurance, no cleaning supplies.... I'm sure that by now you can see where I'm going and obviously the list goes on and on. Where do we sleep and shower you might ask. You probably already have a gym membership but if you don't there is probably a YMCA in you area. Get a membership and use it. Use the fuck out of it. Take three showers a day if you feel the need. I guarantee that there will be a TV. Turn on CNN or just watch some reruns of Will and Grace while you run on the treadmill. Everybody loves Will and Grace and no one will question you if you change the channel. If they do, just complain to the manager. If that fat bitch who doen'st like the "homosexual references" on Will and Grace complains to the mananger first just let slash her tires and join a new gym. Hopefully they will let you watch whatever you want at the new place. If that new place insists on playing only Fox News or only has a radio then just suck it the fuck up as this is a small price to pay for a life of near absolute freedom.

I just bought a pork loin and it's lookin' real tasty so I'll be back later to tell you more about my plan. In the meantime, please feel free to commment on any logistical problems that I may have overlooked thus far.